I'm sure that when you saw this picture, you knew exactly what was going on. Me down on one knee. Engagement ring in hand. Kaija covering her mouth in excitement. The beautiful sunset behind us. Yes, this was my proposal to Kaija, and by looking at the picture, you’d think it was PERFECT! But what if I told you that this was my second attempt at asking Kaija to marry me? On September 8th, 2019 Kaija said “yes.” But two days prior, I got down on one knee only to have Kaija frantically repeat, “Stand up, Stand up!” After standing up, I turned around and saw a tow truck pulling up to tow our car. If you thought that was bad, just wait! There's more! Today I am going to tell you the story of my proposals, attempts 1 and 2, and the lessons I learned. Buckle up for an epic fail story that will have you wondering, “How did he suck that bad?”
When I was ready to propose to Kaija, I started asking around for advice. I knew that you had to get down on a knee, flip out a ring, and say, “Will you marry me?” Pretty simple right? I called both of my uncles, Uncle Todd and Uncle Mark, and both of them gave me very different advice. When I talked to Todd, he congratulated me and explained to me that it doesn't always go perfectly, you just have to stay calm. Todd asked me my plan and said it was normal to be a little nervous. His proposal hadn’t gone exactly as planned, but it all worked out in the end. It was a reassuring phone call that left me confident that no matter what went wrong, as long as I stayed calm, it would all work out. Stay calm was the overarching theme with Todd.
Then I called Uncle Mark. He is a straight forward, to the point kinda guy. I told him that I was going to propose, and asked him for advice to which he responded, “Don’t suck!” He wasn’t really concerned about my plan as he was about the “don’t suck” part. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how I did it, as long as I didn’t suck! Surely I wasn’t going to SUCK at asking the most important question of my life! After talking to Todd and Mark, I concluded that asking Kaija to marry me was going to be simple. Stay calm and don't suck!
Calling Eric and Cara, my father and mother in law, was the next step. When I called Eric, he and Cara both answered and I explained my game plan. At this point in time, Eric, Cara, Kaija and I had already gone on several trips to support Kaija in her weightlifting. Not only did I know that I was in love with Kaija, I also loved her family. When I explained to Eric and Cara my intentions, and asked for his blessing, the phone went quiet… Eric eventually responded. “Hmm.... Let me think about it.” Then Cara and Eric busted up laughing and said, “Just kidding, yes!” Hopefully this gives you an idea of how fun my in-laws are. I was so grateful for their support and was ready to do this thing!
After planning with my sister in law, Asha Skousen, I had everything ready for the proposal. Flowers. A blanket to lay rose petals on. Martinelli's sparkling cider, two champagne glasses, and a wine chiller! I even hinted to Kaija that she oughta get her nails done. Asha and I had picked out a location on the edge of Utah Lake. The Wasatch front in the background made for the perfect picture. The plan was to meet up together to get everything set up. Asha would hide in the brush nearby and snap a picture the moment I popped the question. There was no way this could go wrong.
The big day had finally arrived. Friday, September 6th, 2019. I called Kaija early that morning and told her to get dressed up cute for a date night. Instead of taking her out, I was going to drive her to the spot at Utah lake and propose. During cheerleading practice and my classes, I anxiously awaited the big night. As soon as I was done at BYU, I jumped into my car and started driving to Eagle Mountain, where I would meet up with Asha and get everything prepared. I knew that Kaija was going to finish training around 6pm so I planned to show up in Eagle Mountain, UT around 5pm. As I exited I-15, I got a phone call from Kaija… it was strange. She should have still been training. After Kaija asked what I was up to, I explained that I was finishing up some homework in Provo and that I’d be by her Grandma’s place later that night to pick her up. Much to my surprise, let me know that she had finished training early. Realizing that I was just 2 minutes away from her gym, I hit the gas so I could beat her to her Grandma’s house, where I had left the flowers I intended to use for the proposal. I pulled up to a red light only to see Kaija pull up directly behind me in her Toyota Rav 4! I sunk into my chair so she could see me, but it was already too late. She knew that I was up to something!
I lost her at a red light, buying me enough time to beat her to her Grandma’s place and get the flowers. Parking far enough away from the house, I made sure she couldn’t see my car, and I sprinted towards the house. RIGHT as I was crossing the street, Kaija turned the corner and saw me bolting towards her grandma's house. My secret plan was unraveling! I ran inside quickly to explain to Grandma Wendy what was going on and how I needed her to tell Kaija that she hadn’t seen me if she were to ask. Grandma Wendy had me hide in her bedroom. Kaija came in wondering what was going on and Wendy accomplished the mission when Kaija asked. “No, I haven't seen Austin at all.” As soon as Kaija went down stairs, Wendy came rushing into the room and anxiously pushed me along so I could get on with the plan. To this day Kaija and I still laugh about how I made her sweet grandmother lie about seeing me. When Kaija called me demanding a response for who she saw sprinting into the house, I told her it was probably her grandpa grabbing the mail… something we both knew was unlikely!
At this point in time, I knew that I had made some mistakes, but in no way did I think that the proposal was a complete failure... But it got WORSE! I quickly jumped into my car and started driving to our prime location on Utah Lake that Asha had scouted out for me. Shortly before arriving, I received a phone call from Asha. She dreadfully broke the news that somebody ELSE had the exact same idea to use the location for a wedding! The entire area was set up for the ceremony and we were left with the swamp lands surrounding this perfect location. Nonetheless, I met up with her to see what we could scavenge… much to our dismay, after 20 minutes of shouting out a feasible location, all we found was muddy swamp land and trash scattered on the outskirts. With our hands full of proposal gear, camera equipment and Asha’s 2 years old son Atlas, we retreated back to the minivan to reevaluate. Part of me knew it’d be better to just wait for another day, BUT I had the fantastic idea to have Asha find a spot while I went to pick up Kaija. Asha would set everything up, and drop me a pin of the location. It was a decent plan B. We parted ways and I went to pick up my future fiancé!
I arrived 30 minutes late and Kaija was wondering what the heck was going on! I quite frankly had no idea as I drove aimlessly awaiting a pin from Asha, I told her, “I have something planned… I just don’t know where yet.” Yeh, remember that advice my Uncle Mark told me? Don’t suck? Well if you think I messed up NOW, get ready because it is only getting worse! 😂
I aimlessly drove towards the city of Lehi, hoping Asha had set up my proposal scene. I even pulled into the parking lot of Zaxbys and asked if Kaija wanted to eat chicken! With the sun going down, and Kaija wondering what the heck was going on, I started to worry. I finally got a message from Asha that said we needed to bail and plan something for another day. Although I knew in my heart that this was the best option, I also was so anxious to just ask the freaking question and get it over with. The ring was practically burning a hole in my jeans! With Kaija in the shotgun seat of my Honda CRV, completely confused, I made an executive decision and pulled into the Texas Roadhouse parking lot. We were just going to go to a fancy dinner and I would drop her off later to live to propose another day. The only problem was that Kaija would not stop asking me for an explanation for all the madness. After persistently asking I eventually folded and told her, “Look, I was going to propose, but everything went wrong. You caught me on my way up to Eagle Mountain. The location I wanted was taken, and it has been a disaster. I even have your ring in my pocket! Is that a good enough explanation?” I felt like a complete loser.
Anxiousness deflated into a cacophony of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because the proposal didn't happen, but relieved because there was finally an explanation. My entire plan had gone wrong and I had broken my Uncle Mark’s simple advice. Don’t suck! We sat at dinner and split a delicious medium rare steak and had our fair share of buttered rolls. Those cinnamon buttered rolls and medium rare steaks were no doubt the highlight of the night, but we both couldn't help to feel a little bummed out from what had happened with the proposal. Imagine finding out there was a surprise party planned for you, but later found out it fell through and that it was going to be “rescheduled.” That's sort of how it all felt. In my mind, the element of surprise was gone for any future proposal attempt.
After stuffing our faces with cinnamon buttered rolls, we wrapped up dinner, paid the tab, and got in the car to head home. That’s when I had an epiphany! What if I played romantic music, drove BACK to the original spot, and proposed to her before dropping her back off! YES! It was a perfect plan. I could even give a little speech about how things won’t always be perfect in our marriage, but we would always find a way through it. NOW I was thinking!
Instead of driving Kaija to her grandma's house, we drove up to the lake as Ed Sheeran belted the song “Perfect” from my speakers. Kaija looked at me puzzled, but I reassured her that it was nothing and that I just wanted to hang out by the lake. We bought a blanket out to the dock and lied down, only to become engulfed in a swarm of mosquitoes. It was terribly uncomfortable. One even bit Kaija right underneath her eyelid as we laid there, and her eye started to swell up. Wonderful! At this point, I went ahead with my beautiful “life isn’t always perfect, but we go with it anyways” speech and told her to stand up. I reached into my pocket to remove the ring and got to one knee.
“Kaija..I will you...”
Without giving me time to continue, and in fear that the ring would fall into the lake, Kaija screamed and cut me off.
“Austin! No, no, Stand up Stand up!”
I was completely dumbfounded. I just tried to propose and was told to stand up! Without the time to fully process what had just occurred, we were both blinded by bright lights. A TOW TRUCK had pulled into the Lake Parking lot to take away our car. I’m sure right now you are wondering if it got worse, but this is where it stops. Even if my proposal had not been interrupted by Kaija, the tow truck would have been there to put a stop to it. We ran back to the car and rescued it from the tow truck. We got into the car and Kaija flipped down the mirror to examine her swollen eye... Uncle Mark, if you are reading this, I really am sorry for letting you down. I sucked!
I dropped off Kaija feeling like a complete failure. How was I going to bounce back from THAT? There are a couple times in my life where I felt like a loser and this was one of them. Kaija tried to reassure me, but I was just down in the dumps! As I drove home, slumped in defeat, I thought about what I was going to do for attempt #2.
I won’t go into all the little details from the second time around, but I will say that it was perfect. I had everything set up the way I wanted up in the mountains (where there were no mosquitoes) and even set up a fire pit for us to sit at together afterwards. I drove up an hour early to make sure nobody had taken the spot and waited for Asha and her husband Josh to drop off Kaija. This time around I had controlled more of the variables and was confident that it would go well. And it did! After about 45 minutes of waiting in this beautiful valley, Kaija showed up and I asked her to marry me. While I knew she would say yes, I was relieved that I had put together a functional proposal and managed to have Asha take pictures. What was funny was that I had written Kaija a letter for the first proposal. At the bottom of the letter, there was a little drawing I had drafted up of me proposing to her at the Lake! Things don’t always go as planned!
Even though this entire story was a disaster, there were a lot of special moments. Some of them are personal and some of them are more life advice.
First, Uncle Mark. Back in the day, snapping the “perfect proposal picture” wasn’t a thing, so I actually had MORE on my plate than you and Todd did! On a serious note, with my Dad no longer around, being able to call both of my Uncles for advice was very special. I personally feel that Dad would have said something right in the middle of “don’t suck” and “be calm” so the advice Todd and Mark was on point. I’m grateful I have both of them in my life to go to for things like this! I invite you to use the “keep calm and don’t suck approach.” If we stay calm in any scenario, it is unlikely that we will fail miserably like I did. So, instead of thinking about how you won't fail, think about what you’ll do to stay calm! See how it works for you! 🤣
The second little blessing is that the second attempt was MUCH better than the first would have been! Things in life don’t always go as planned. That’s ok. Go back to the chalk board and re-plan. DON’T hit the panic button I did and wing a proposal in the pitch black night, engulfed by mosquitoes! When things go wrong, take a deep breath, weigh out your options and move forward. Maybe that means redrafting the entire plan and trying another day. All I know is that I’m happy that things don’t always go as we plan. The disappointment we feel when our “plan” doesn't work out originally is eventually replaced by gratitude for how it actually happened. If I had everything my way, I can’t say my life would be as beautiful as it is today. It is my belief that God closes doors because he has better ones planned for us. In the midst of a complete disaster (like my proposal) remember that these doors are being closed so that you can experience what GOD has planned for you!
Lastly, when something hard happens, use the 10/10/10 rule. If this isn’t going to affect you in 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years, DON’T LET IT RUIN YOUR DAY! Now, while I’m all about being disciplined in the small stuff, I also believe that one failure shouldn’t snowball into your week, months, or year. Realize that tomorrow is a new day. Yesterday does not decide how today goes, you do! Think about the things you get frustrated about. Will this matter in 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years? What are you wasting time and energy thinking about when you could just be focusing on the present?
That's all for today folks. I appreciate your time and would ask that you share with three friends or family if it has brought any value into your life. Make my disaster proposal known to the world so that more people out there know that no matter what they do, it will probably go better than mine! Although my first proposal was as smooth as I would have liked, Kaija still said yes the second time and we are happily married. So just keep calm and don’t suck! It will all work out!